What’s all this nonsense about me being an “anti-christ” or an “atheist”? I have admitted before that I do not have a religion but that does not mean that I am an atheist. I am not an agnostic or an anti-theist either because I do believe in the existence of a supreme being, a being that the religious call God. Yes, I believe in God, I believe that there is a divine being --an absolute being of love. I believe in the true source who is mighty and filled with love energy. The existence of the One who does not judge, does not persecute, does not murder. I may not have a religion but being without one made me focus more on my spirituality.
I know that by posting this, my blog will invite arguments between those who share the same thoughts with me and those who oppose my beliefs. I understand that we, as individuals, are entitled to our own opinions and each of us have different perceptions. I will respect yours and in return, I expect you to respect mine. This is who I am and all these are based on my own experiences.
As a child I was raised in a Christian community. I went to born-again Christian schools, attended Sunday schools regularly and my family was a big part of the church we went to. We never missed a single service and were always present in church activities. You would say I was a very religious child. I always shared the “gospel” with my friends, and I corrected them when they do things that go against the “Christian doctrines”. I won’t deny that I was a judgmental five-year old kid. But can you blame me? I grew up in an environment where judgment was very common, it was like a part of an everyday living. The people around me did it all the time. As a child, I believed it was the right thing to do. I was controlling and judgmental. I was active in all the church and school activities as long as it involved religion. But I was the kind of kid who had a lot of questions inside my mind, questions that seek for answers. There were things I wanted to know, things I wanted to understand, I was confused. I asked why and how. But I never found any explanation about the things that have been bothering me, thoughts that clouded every part of my young little brain. Every single time I asked, they would respond to me by saying “You should never question the teachings of the church” or they would give me answers that would raise even more questions in my mind. I was often judged and scolded when I asked. So, I stopped asking and kept all my questions to myself. Even my family was judged for doing such things which they believed was “unholy”. Growing up, I began to develop a sense of thinking of my own. I was searching for completion. I knew something was wrong. I had good friends, kept a good company, but the way they talked and acted was beginning to make me feel uneasy. Don’t get me wrong, they were nice people. I was just not in the right place. I was not with the company I needed to help me grow spiritually.
As a child I was raised in a Christian community. I went to born-again Christian schools, attended Sunday schools regularly and my family was a big part of the church we went to. We never missed a single service and were always present in church activities. You would say I was a very religious child. I always shared the “gospel” with my friends, and I corrected them when they do things that go against the “Christian doctrines”. I won’t deny that I was a judgmental five-year old kid. But can you blame me? I grew up in an environment where judgment was very common, it was like a part of an everyday living. The people around me did it all the time. As a child, I believed it was the right thing to do. I was controlling and judgmental. I was active in all the church and school activities as long as it involved religion. But I was the kind of kid who had a lot of questions inside my mind, questions that seek for answers. There were things I wanted to know, things I wanted to understand, I was confused. I asked why and how. But I never found any explanation about the things that have been bothering me, thoughts that clouded every part of my young little brain. Every single time I asked, they would respond to me by saying “You should never question the teachings of the church” or they would give me answers that would raise even more questions in my mind. I was often judged and scolded when I asked. So, I stopped asking and kept all my questions to myself. Even my family was judged for doing such things which they believed was “unholy”. Growing up, I began to develop a sense of thinking of my own. I was searching for completion. I knew something was wrong. I had good friends, kept a good company, but the way they talked and acted was beginning to make me feel uneasy. Don’t get me wrong, they were nice people. I was just not in the right place. I was not with the company I needed to help me grow spiritually.
At 11 years old, I found comfort in the company of my “catholic” friends. The people I used to hear negative things about. But there was less pressure in their church. There were less judgments. I’m not saying that all born-again people are judgmental. I am not in the position to generalize anything or anyone according to the religion they practiced. I had born-again friends who always kept an open-mind, those few were not judgmental. But there was just this huge difference between the two. And that time, maybe, that was what I needed. Even my family felt the same. From being born-again, we converted to Catholicism. I was more relaxed. I recited the mysteries of the Rosary every night, which I never did before. Aside from Jesus Christ and Father God, I began to talk to the blessed mother before I went to sleep. I loved seeing the holy statues of Jesus and Mary. We even collected them. Our house was filled with idols and had a huge effigy of Jesus Christ on a wooden cross in the living room (although some images really creeped me out). I had a collection of the little guardian angel figurines, I wore a miraculous medal and always carried a cross in my pocket. I was loving my new life. But then again, I had that same old feeling I had before. I asked myself, “Is this all there is to life?” I knew there was something more. I was looking for something else, something to complete me. It wasn’t religion. I don’t know what it was. I just knew something was missing. I felt trapped. Something was missing and I knew it was inside of me, I just don’t know how to find it. I was confused again. I had to fill my empty space, so I left the religion.
I was 13 years old when my mom started reading books about spiritual awakening, universal consciousness and all those other new age stuffs. I was drawn to it. I would sometimes read them with my mom and she would share her new learnings with us, her children. I also studied about the different beliefs of different religions. I read some of the Apocryphal and Deuterocanonical books (books that were not included in the Christian bible). I learned a little about the religion of the Jehovah’s witnesses because I knew some who were into that and also a little about the Muslims, etc. Basically, I had knowledge about the various practices of people who lived differently from each other. That was when I analyzed everything and realized that when it comes to beliefs and traditions, there is no right or wrong.
I may have no religion but I do know that there is nothing wrong with belonging to certain religious groups. And there is nothing wrong with having no religious preference as well. Over the past years that I have struggled with the challenges of knowing the difference between religion and spirituality, now I can say that I am in the right path. I am currently on a spiritual journey and I am on the road to being one with my inner self. Being once a born-again Christian and converting to Catholicism afterwards, I have always read the bible. I memorized all of the books of the Old and New Testament and know almost every character in it. I remember reading a verse in the book of Romans which mainly pointed out on those who preached the gospel, boast in God, claim to be bringers of light and a teacher to the foolish who fail to preach themselves about the ways of God. Its main essence was that being religious is useless if you do not practice what you preach. Therefore, it is not religion that will save you. It does not matter what religion you have or if you do not have any, what matters is how strong you keep your faith, how you treated yourself and the people surrounding you. And the most important thing is you keep love inside of you, when you do, you have God in you because as it was written in the Holy Scriptures, God is love.
I do respect other people’s beliefs and I know that every living soul on this planet was given the right to choose what they want to believe in. We were given the free will to choose but none of us has the right to criticize or judge whether a certain religion is good or bad –right or wrong. There is no such thing as perfect truth. There is no perfect religion because different religions were allowed to be on earth to serve an important purpose. Each individual has a certain level of understanding, with this comes a certain religion/belief that best suits the mind and heart of every human being on earth. Let us all learn to respect each other’s devotion to their own churches. We must not criticize, judge or make fun of other’s religion if we do not want others to do it to us. Show respect and it shall be granted to you as well.
